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president obama supported-- the uprising, correct? >> president obama wants to-- once said he wants everybody in america to go to college. what a snob! >> oops. >> jon: oh, right. that concludes our segment "mitt romney is the s.e.c.-luckiest dude on the planet." welcome back! my guest tonight is the reigning king of jordan. welcome back to the program king abdullaabdull abdullah ii. (cheers and applause) thank you so much for being here again. i just wanted to let you know as an emissary of the united states our president, i know, was scheduled to meet with you today. (laughter) he was not doing a stupid t.v. show. (laughter) he was very busy with strategic-- meetings. (laughter) whoopi goldbergstan, i believe it is. >> i heard. >> jon: that the talk of-- you were at the u.n. today. does anyone-- is there any discussion amongst world leaders about the american president not being available for face-to-face meetings? is that not a-- is that upsetting? >> not that i heard, no. i think everybody's there preparing for their speeches and
president obama supported-- the uprising, correct? >> president obama wants to-- once said he wants everybody in america to go to college. what a snob! >> oops. >> jon: oh, right. that concludes our segment "mitt romney is the s.e.c.-luckiest dude on the planet." welcome back! my guest tonight is the reigning king of jordan. welcome back to the program king abdullaabdull abdullah ii. (cheers and applause) thank you so much for being here again. i just wanted to let...
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barack obama! and when america needed him most, who got us rolling again on the road to recovery? >> barack obama! >> let me ask you this, people, who couldn't get laid in a whore house with a fist full of hundreds? barack obama! >> that's my favorite am way presentation ever. >> all right, i get it time honored tradition to attach down expectations to make a slight win. >> here is great news for republicans, we have a candidate who is going to do extraordinarily well on wednesday night, oh (bleep) we have a runner! we have a runner! >> what are you doing, christi? apparently new jersey governor chris christie didn't get the memo that romney sucks at this. >> i think you will see the numbers start to move right back in the other direction. >> in whole race will be turned upside down come thursday morning. >> what are you doing, christi? >> for god's sake if romney fails to meet those heavy expectations he will lose the general election creating chaos in the republican party and leave out 2016 -- oh
barack obama! and when america needed him most, who got us rolling again on the road to recovery? >> barack obama! >> let me ask you this, people, who couldn't get laid in a whore house with a fist full of hundreds? barack obama! >> that's my favorite am way presentation ever. >> all right, i get it time honored tradition to attach down expectations to make a slight win. >> here is great news for republicans, we have a candidate who is going to do extraordinarily...
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Sep 25, 2012
09/12
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the condemnation of obama has been swift and furious >> this leading from behind obama doctrine is up in flames >> terrorists believe they can attack our embassy with impunity, they believe the killr ambassador and there will be no response >> how much longer can we afford to spill our blood and treasure trying to, quote unquote, promote democracy in places that do not have any values for civilized society. >> jon: yes. democracy promotion is wrong. that's a somewhat isolationist position, ex-governor palin. does anyone see our role in the world differently? yes, you 2008 still governor palin >> i see our role in the world as one of being a force for good, to help these rising smaller democratic countries that are just, you know, they're putting themselves on the map right now >> jon: what a bold freedom agenda. it's a little bit naive. i mean, think of the blow-back >> egyptians elected a muslim brotheredhood member to head their country. let's not forget. this is very first place in the middle east that president obama promised to bring, quote democracy too >> jon: you believe throu
the condemnation of obama has been swift and furious >> this leading from behind obama doctrine is up in flames >> terrorists believe they can attack our embassy with impunity, they believe the killr ambassador and there will be no response >> how much longer can we afford to spill our blood and treasure trying to, quote unquote, promote democracy in places that do not have any values for civilized society. >> jon: yes. democracy promotion is wrong. that's a somewhat...
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Sep 27, 2012
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but you know the person really raping america's children is president obama with his unfunded mandates." (cheers and applause) for more on the n.f.l. labor dispute we go now to senior correspondent john oliver outside n.f.l. headquarters in new york. john, what is the status right now of the n.f.l. dispute? >> well! (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> who families both alike in dignity, one the referee, the other the league of national football is locked in dispute ages old. oh fair referees! (laughter) shirts bestripes arms akimbo with only a flag and wheus toll examine desperation and fair n.f.l. battered but unbowed like henri at agincourt from this day to the ending of the world! (cheers and applause) but we shall be remembered. we few, we happy few, we band of brothers! (cheers and applause) >> jon: my god. my god. that's-- (cheers and applause) i'm just-- i'm sorry. it just-- holy (bleep)! i was just-- (laughter). john oliver, you have almost overnight improved exponentially. (laughter) john oliver, john oliver, you moved me. >> yes, 'tis i, john oliver in the flesh. (
but you know the person really raping america's children is president obama with his unfunded mandates." (cheers and applause) for more on the n.f.l. labor dispute we go now to senior correspondent john oliver outside n.f.l. headquarters in new york. john, what is the status right now of the n.f.l. dispute? >> well! (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> who families both alike in dignity, one the referee, the other the league of national football is locked in dispute...
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Sep 24, 2012
09/12
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here's one from obama. the obama video is pertinent, but the romney video is a distraction. why? >> it features governor romney speaking to supporters at a fund-raiser way back in may. >> jon: oh, this video is from "way" back in may. may, oh, my god, that was like before june. [laughter] who even remembers may? "grandfather, may i sit on your knee and hear you tell a tale of what life was like way back in may?" [laughter] "well, timmy, hold on now. timmy, i remember it like it was yesterday. the iphone 5 was but a glimmer in the iphone 4s's eye. it was an incredible time." now in hannity's defense, four months is typically enough time for romney to radically change his position. by the way, what about this new very pertinent video of obama that fox has made hay of all day? when was that video recorded? >> that was recorded in 1998. >> jon: my god! that's more than 14 mays ago. [laughter] look, obviously bull [bleeped] mountain has many, i guess you would say peaks and valleys, nooks and crannies. you all know what bull [bleeped] looks like. look, why am i telling you people? let
here's one from obama. the obama video is pertinent, but the romney video is a distraction. why? >> it features governor romney speaking to supporters at a fund-raiser way back in may. >> jon: oh, this video is from "way" back in may. may, oh, my god, that was like before june. [laughter] who even remembers may? "grandfather, may i sit on your knee and hear you tell a tale of what life was like way back in may?" [laughter] "well, timmy, hold on now. timmy, i...
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>> new guidelines thanks to michelle obama, michelle obama school lunch calorie limits. >> michelle obama nutritional school lunches. >> jon: oh, man, oh, right, that's right. because this isn't really about food or kids. it's about big government uber thanny michelle obama who if she said we feed clean air half the country would demand gills because freedom! listen the complaint. >> the usda shouldn't be deciding how many calories we take or how many calories we expend during the day. at some point it personal responsibility, i'm talking about. >> jon: this is america, jack. just because uncle sam is buying me lunch doesn't mean he request tell me what to eat-- he can tell me what to eat. by the way, how do you feel about this. >> the issue should you be able to use, be allowed to use an abd card i food stamp card at a mcdonald's. >> i would rather have my tax dollar going a family buying stuff at costco and bulk. >> jon: right, because this is america, jack! if uncle sam is paying for the meal, uncle sam gets to tell where you to eat. oh! i just forgot, i don't make any [bleep] sense! t
>> new guidelines thanks to michelle obama, michelle obama school lunch calorie limits. >> michelle obama nutritional school lunches. >> jon: oh, man, oh, right, that's right. because this isn't really about food or kids. it's about big government uber thanny michelle obama who if she said we feed clean air half the country would demand gills because freedom! listen the complaint. >> the usda shouldn't be deciding how many calories we take or how many calories we expend...
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Sep 27, 2012
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(laughter) then, obama's making us less safe. that terrorist from "homeland" won an emmy! (laughter) and my guest, author jim holt, has written a book on why the world exists. well, when two planets love each other very much they share a special hug. (laughter) the university of tennessee frat members were caught butt-chugging wine. (laughter) that sounds like some drunk ass (bleep). (laughter) this is "the colbert report." (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause )
(laughter) then, obama's making us less safe. that terrorist from "homeland" won an emmy! (laughter) and my guest, author jim holt, has written a book on why the world exists. well, when two planets love each other very much they share a special hug. (laughter) the university of tennessee frat members were caught butt-chugging wine. (laughter) that sounds like some drunk ass (bleep). (laughter) this is "the colbert report." (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by...